Leadership Group Face Year Ban

The FPs leadership group face year long bans for a shocking plot using sandpaper to alter the ball in both Grades 1 and Grade 4, the latter episode dating back many years. There had been much suspicion within the club and cricket at large about the fact that Rob Swiergon not only got to bowl 11 overs last season but also picked up 2 wickets. Many had felt that there was no way that the slow medium pace trundler could have possibly got two batsmen out fairly and so it seems to have been proved after Swiergon was found with the contents of the B&Q sanding department in his cricket bag. Sidelined bowling stars such as Alex Keith, Arul Senthil, Geoff Morrison and John Davey are all said to not be surprised by the allegations, noting their limited bowling opportunities in 2017. Swiergon only released a brief statement through his agent Nack Jixon saying various platitudes and cliches, which were not possible to turn into a meaningful quote.

With the club rocked by these allegations against Swiergon, things escalated late last night as Ian “Jonners” Johnston was forced to admit that his only ever wicket where he bowled former FPs man Magesh was all a charade. Jonners admitted that this wicket which forced Magesh into years of counselling with renowned author John Eagles, must be struck from the records noting that he had could not believe that he had got away with it for so long. Anyone that has seen me bowl would know there is no way it would have travelled straight for 22 yards he may have said last night.

A club spokesman released a bland statement last night commenting “it was not acceptable for Swiergon to have bowled so many overs and that in reality no one really believed Jonners had taken a wicket.” He also encouraged everyone “to keep the ball up, be on their toes and to pitch it up Sam.”

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